Feeling and Typing
I want to write a little about Ms. SoberPants (daughter age 27)but I don't feel like going thru the whole damn history for those of you who may not have been reading this blog for the last 3 years. Anyway, she will have two years sober this month which is sort of the biggest thing in the whole wide world. Yesterday she had to go to the grocery store for Mother. I know this seems like a simple task to everyone and I understand that to you it is no big deal. For Ms. SoberPants though it requires first drawing the map yet again from Mothers to the store. It requires entering a building with very high ceilings. It requires standing in a line and holding money.
When it was done, I had to talk to her for almost an hour and a half on the phone to talk her down from that. She ended up at a park close to Mothers house, walking the trail for another hour and saying the 3rd step prayer over and over. Then another hour on the phone until the crying stopped. I promised her over and over that I would do the grocery shopping for her and Mother from now on. My baby girl just said "no" she is determined to do this. This makes me feel so much love and compassion for her strength. This brings on all kinds of fear for me. She has never been in a Mall or a beauty shop or a WalMart or a large restaurant. She has so many anxiety issues and has since she was a small. EXCEPT when she's drunk. Her son comes tomorrow (age 10) to visit for 2 weeks. I had a dream last night that his fathers family dropped him off but did not come back to pick him up. So this morning I've taken on some "what if" drama in my head. She is not emotionally capable of raising a child. This is not happening mind you.....it's just self inflicted drama I'm having. I'm not wallowing it, just feeling it somewhat. Oh my family. Lordy, lordy, lordy.
















